Good Morning Everyone! You ever have one of those morning where you literally feel like you have to go back in the house and start over! It's not that you didn't sleep well or get off to the right foot, it's just seems like stuff just didn't start out like normal! YEAH, had one of those mornings this morning! BUT, I'm up, back on track and thank God to be seeing another day! I pray that everyone has a wonderful day!
So I've been wanting to do this Blog for a WHILE now & it's just based off of my observations! Don't judge me, don't hate on me, this is a REAL TALK BLOG! Black Women struggle with wanting a "CERTAIN" type of Black Man in their life. I can't say that they want a "GOOD" Black Man because lets be honest, many Black Women have had "GOOD" Black Men but for one reason or another, they did not want them for certain reasons. Maybe they weren't their "SKEE-LO" (Light Skinned is what they like, but they got a Dark Skinned Man), they didn't put it down in the Bedroom good enough for them. Shoot, at the end of the day, they just thought the Brother was LAME! Good Black Men realize how upsetting this can be & at times forget about being with Black Women all together. So, here are my 10 Reasons Black Men are NOT dating Black Women anymore!
1. Black Women do not appreciate being loved and catered too! They have been around so many BAD BLACK MEN, that they do not know how to accept it when it comes their way. At times a Black Woman can get Spoiled and not know how to return the catering, which can make a Black Man feel unappreciated.
2. The SEX is just not good enough for them! Black Women constantly are either thinking about what they want in the bedroom, what they use to have when that OLD DUDE use to put it down, & are not willing to try new things. Black Women can lose interest quick or get bored with the Sex and they can draw away or seem distant during intimate times.
3. Black Women support their own futures but not their Man's Futures. A Black Woman may leave a Man to pursue their dreams, goals, & aspirations. Black Women may leave a Black Man high and dry when it comes to financially, mentally, and emotionally supporting a Black Man in his dreams. That dream may not directly involve her, take focus away from her, or take too long for him to accomplish in the eyes of the Black Woman & she doesn't want to wait around for them to come to fruition.
4. Black Women do not want to deal with the Child Support & Child Raising situation that Black Men come with. Black Women would love a Black Man to support her and her kids, but is not all the times interested in assisting a Black Man with making sure he is supporting and taking care of his kids.
5. Black Women want to be in control of EVERYTHING! Whether it's finances, the home, future dreams and goals, etc. Black Women who have been independent for a long time may have issues in allowing a Man to handle some relationship things and in discussing financial situations along with the Black Man. Black Women may want control of finances and do not have the credit or make the money to be truly involved in financial decisions. This may lead her to continue to make the same bad financial decisions, which makes it hard for a Black Man to trust her in those areas. You can see a Woman's Financial Path between 2 things: Her Closet & where that Closet IS!
6. Black Women can be jealous and non-trusting for no reasons! Sometimes the feelings of past hurt & insecurities can make a Black Woman always question a Man's intentions, even when the Black Man is being 100% faithful.
7. Black Women want to make an excuse for their faults and shortcomings and expect a Black Man to be understanding in their situations. But Black Women may not be willing to deal with a Man's issues and insecurities as they are trying to deal with their situations.
8. Black Women's Attitude, Mouth, Cursing, & Cocky Attitudes can be a turn off to a Man. Raising Cain, talking down to a Black Man, & holding up a Black Man in everything just to hold him up in his faults and guilt, even if she is wrong, can push a Black Man away from wanting to share and connect deeply with a Black Woman.
9. Black Woman ASSUME a lot about every Black Man because of what she has went through with other Black Men! "You Black Men are ALL THE SAME!" This pushes Black Men away because Black Men already feel judged & labeled from the beginning. A Black Man does not want to feel Guilty from the beginning of a relationship or asked a Million questions about who they are, what they are about, and what they REALLY WANT from the very first day.
10. Black Women do not accept help, catering, or chivalry from a Black Man very well. The thought that a Black Man is only trying to do these helping things scares a Black Woman into thinking that a Black Man may just be trying to get into her pants, get close to her & leave her after she falls in love, or are just doing it for certain reasons.
Now these are my observations and come from life experiences! I love Black Women! I think they are the Greatest Creation God ever made! You may not like it but Women always want to know why Black Men do not want to be with them, well, there you go! This is not directed towards anyone, these are just MY FACTS! If you have something to say, would LOVE to see it! Have a wonderful day and Black Men, keep your head up fellas! There are STILL some good Black Women out there!
CHECK OUT PART 2 AT THIS LINK HERE!
http://johnturnerworld.blogspot.com/2013/01/recap-blog-10-reason-why-black-men-are.html
CHECK OUT PART 2 AT THIS LINK HERE!
http://johnturnerworld.blogspot.com/2013/01/recap-blog-10-reason-why-black-men-are.html
READ...SHARE...LOVE! - PROFESSOR JT
47 comments:
Whoa...I am almost speechless. You know I appreciate your blog posts but this one……..I have a lot opinions/ thoughts on every single “point” you made but, I am just going to have to leave it at “I disagree”. I'm interested in seeing what others think about this topic, can’t wait to read some of the comments you get.
So I would love to hear some Disagreeing Points then. At least from 2 of them why that you feel that you disagree. This is from a Black Man's Prospective and Experiences, so it would good to hear some prospective from Black Women. Not to upset people, maybe to get some closure on some things! Thanks for your comment Mrs. Renae! PROFESSOR JT
Oh, JT... you know you're gonna get it now!! LOL!! While I can see how the reasons you listed come across as valid to the naked eye, this is a MUCH deeper topic than what's on the surface. Frankly, I feel like the 10 reasons are superficial and basically cop outs.
Black Women have held Black Men down for as long as we can remember(from slavery right on through today). Through ALL times, we have been the ones you come back to. We have been your lovers, your friends, your doormats, your sounding boards, your protectors, your supporters, and the ones who even save you from yourselves. And even with all of your faults (as we have our own) and indiscretions (we have them as well), we NEED you. We WANT you. We ACCEPT you. We LOVE you. We are WAITING for you, and will be there for you again will no one else will.
Black Men want us to be all of that and so much more. Which we don't mind doing by the way... but we are not getting the love, honor and security that we deserve in the process.
I'm actually amazed and dumbfounded by the FACT that ALL of your reasons stem from the Black Woman, and NONE come from the Man himself. You may say that this is not directed "towards anyone", but all of your reasons start with "Black Women", and that my dear blogger buddy is ME.
Very good response! Interesting that it's two married women that have responded so far. I know you both are doing a great job no doubt!
OK, I'm looking at this comment right here from Mrs. Ticka "Black Men want us to be all of that and so much more. Which we don't mind doing by the way... but we are not getting the love, honor and security that we deserve in the process." This comment pretty much sums up everything that I wrote. Is this a deep issue where we BOTH do not feel like the other Black Side is holding up their end?
All of these reason have to stem from the Black Woman because they are reasons why Black Men are not dating Black Women. I can only give your prospective from a point of view of which I know of & have heard of from other Black Men.
Yes, I do feel SOME Black Women are supporters, protectors, friends, & lovers. But, the majority of the ones that are SINGLE now and want to know why it seems like Black Men are not feeling them, these are 10 reasons why. They could be said to be cop out reasons, but truth is just truth on why Black Men are not looking Black Women direction anymore when it comes to Dating & Long Term Relationships. - Professor JT
Duely noted. You quoted a piece of my response and said it summed up everything you wrote. I don't see the connection. I indicated that we are there for our men, but aren't getting what we need in return. You wrote about what you felt were facts about how Black Women aren't doing ANYTHING for Black Men.
Where are all of these Black Children living in single parent households are coming from? We're not making them by ourselves. Our men are lying down with us and choosing to be with someone else, and that's all OUR fault?? I just can't see it. Our men have devalued us as we have allowed them to, as well as took part in devaluing ourselves. Reduced us to no more than a$$ shaking/baby making enjoyment, and placed women of other races on a pedestal as if they should be reveared in some way, when in fact, a lot of the men I know who are in inter-racial relationships get treated like a bank from their other race partners & worse.
Black Men, stick around and show your daughters how to be catered to. How to be loved. How be respected. How to respect and carry yourself in the presence of men. Black men, stick around and show your sons how to respect his sisters and his mother. Show him how to value himself so he doesn't hold hustlers and gangbangers in high regard. We need you here for our children to teach them how to love and be there for one another. We need this from you and so much more.
According to your reasons, Black Women need to figure it out & Black Men share no burden or responsibility. Please remember that every action gets a reaction.
While our struggles as Black Men & Black Women in the world are different, they are REAL and we are the ones who relate to each other and understand. It boils down to a lack of communication. We believe what the world tells us about each other as a group instead of finding out who we are and how to love one another.
And don't let what you see in your immediate area fool you. We are loving each other, in relationships with each other and pro-creating. We are in healthy loving relationships that are blossoming and proving the nay-sayers wrong. We're out here showing our children how to be in wonderful loving relationships.
Just look for us. We're here!!
I guess we will just have to agree to disagree on this one.
I like this a lot Ms. Ticka! I think your last point it important. We keep agreeing to disagree between black men and black women and leaving things between us unsolved. So I really appreciate your prospective, so you know I will have to give you mine.
Yes, there are children living in Single Parent homes, but Men are not forcing these Women to lay down with them and not every Man is not trying to be in the Mother's Life & help raise them. Some women are BITTER because the Man did leave to be with another woman. Why did the Man leave, maybe the Woman was the one cheating & got caught and the Man did not want that drama in his life. So why keep a Man who wanted to be with a Woman out of the child's life & fault him because she messed up & he did not want to deal with that drama?
I do not feel Black Women need to figure out anything, the points are right there! If the shoe fits I say, but these are prospectives that I know from personal experience and from hearing from other Black Men of what they go through from Black Women.
There are some Black Women doing an amazing job and there are some black men that are TRASH, I will admit that. Would love to read the 10 reasons Black Women do not want to be with Black Men, BUT, may be a hard to get some prospective on that because I do not see many Black Woman going for other Men who are not black. This is FINE, but Black Men are looking other directions and these are the reasons why. We have to get to the point on agreeing on something because this problem is seriously putting a distance between Black Men and Women because it's not getting solved, it's just getting pushed to the side. - PROFESSOR JT
Dang it JT!! I could do this all day long, but a sista gotta work!! LOL!
I offered a sliver of hope in my comment. "It boils down to a lack of communication. We believe what the world tells us about each other as a group instead of finding out who we are and how to love one another."
You will not find an abundance of reasons why Black Women don't want to be with Black Men because we LOVE you too much. Too much to completely turn our backs on you just because you're not perfect. Just because you cause drama. Just because you're looking the other way. As I said in my first comment, "And even with all of your faults (as we have our own) and indiscretions (we have them as well), we NEED you. We WANT you. We ACCEPT you. We LOVE you. We are WAITING for you, and will be there for you again will no one else will."
And maybe that's our fault for not being as open to other races as our men are. But I don't believe that's the solution. Because IF Black Women ever decide to leave Black Men alone as a whole, believe it to not... WE are doomed.
Very well said Mrs. Ticka. We are HERE and all of the single beautiful black women I know are waiting.
Ticka that was POWERFUL, & even Mrs. Renae agrees. So, here is a question to you BOTH, if I have supplied reasons, why can't we get some of these reasons addressed between Women? I just putting out there things that Men discuss all the time! "DANG, ____ is so BOSSY, she got a smart mouth, and tries to control EVERYTHING!" HEAR US LADIES! THESE ARE THE REASONS WE GO TO KIM K's AND HEIDI KLUM's!
If we don't put these reasons out there, then we can not get mad if Women keep coming to men with the same insecurities and issues. I would LOVE a Woman to put all of Men's Problems out there, so we know WHAT TO WORK ON! If it's a Lack of Communication, HERE IS A BLACK MAN TALKING LOUD & PROUD! We are showing Black Women that we don't need you if you're going to act crazy, talk to us crazy, and not treat us with respect because all the other "DUDES" that a Woman dated prior treated you bad. A Black Man is not going to put up with all that and we have no problem looking at other races of Women! Maybe Black Women should follow suit because if they feel like Black Men are not getting the job done, trust & believe, there are other Races of Men who would step up to the plate & possibly put up with a Black Woman's life in areas Black Men will not. - PROFESSOR JT
Let me start off by saying this is going to be all over the place.So I hope I’m not rambling on too much. Now, I’m married and have 2 kids (with my husband-just for clarification)
Why do we have to give an explanation about who we are as black women? Just as BM (black males)don’t want to be stereotyped, you don’t want other races to look at all BM and think: you’re going to rob and steal from them ,you don’t work, you don’t want to work, BM can’t keep a job, your users, lazy you don’t take care of your kids, you sell drugs, and you’re a womanizer etc.
Just like you know that all black men do not fall into these categories actually not very many men fall into those categories, and black men know as well that not all black women fall into the categories you listed. To be honest with you I don’t know many that fall into these 10 reasons that you have listed.
I don’t have to sit here and point out all of the “black mans” flaws WHY? Because truth be told ALL men have flaws just as all women have “flaws”. And, as a black woman I understand your short comings and “issues” you have to deal with just for being a BLACK MALE just as you as a black man should understand some of the ways of a black women. And, if you don’t then I suggest that the black man do some real live soul searching.
The issue shouldn’t be black women vs. other race women as to say that we are not in the same category as other races of women I find that insulting honestly.
It’s unfortunate that there is a sector of BM that feel this way, about black women.
But, isn’t your #9 item basically are doing. You are assuming that every black women falls into these categories like you listed. and your bringing that energy into the relationship. Honestly, this item goes for all women. I think all races of women bring past into the current relationships & we all want to know who you are, what you are all about. So why is this pinned on just black women?
Your #1 & #10 item on your list saddens me a little, how could you (meaning black men) feel that we don’t appreciate being catered to? Not only as a black women but as a WOMEN this truly saddens me, maybe that we AREN’T getting equally appreciated & catered to because you don’t feel as if we deserve it. This issue just doesn’t belong to the black woman, but I have heard plenty of non black males voice their frustrations with feeling lack of appreciation from the mates. So why is this just being pinned on being a black women issue?
Please don’t get me saying your list is BS confused with your #8 item. I find it interesting that you (meaning black men) feel as if you are allowed to voice your opinion and yet you want me to shut up and listen. So when I voice my opinion it’s construed with me having an attitude?
Your list is full of excuses in laments terms Bulls***. Sorry JT, I can’t except these excuses you are giving for why BM are dating outside of their race.
Why can’t black men just say I choose to date outside of my race because that’s whom I’m attracted to or I just happen to fall in love with someone and she so happens to be outside of my race. Why do you have to have an agenda for dating outside of your race? That leaves me to question those relationships.
I don’t personally care about who dates/ marries what race, be with who you are attracted to naturally, be with the person whom with you have chemistry and a connection with, be with the person you fall in love with.
I’m married to a black man because that’s who I feel in love with. He could have been any race, he just so happened to be black.
The Black women I know are not shooting down men of other races, on purpose because they are choosing to date strictly BM, they just haven’t come across the man with whom they have connection with, for whatever reasons.
I don’t know not one women who has told me they are not dating a Black Man anymore, I wonder why that is? And, truth be told there are plenty of “reasons” one could give that would justify her decision if she did choose that route.
Lastly, let me add this-I love seeing happily married Black families together and holding each other down, it makes my heart smile! Because as a race of people we are looked down upon, and so when I see US out and about and I read others blogs I love it and wish the world wouldn’t outcast US as much as they do.
I also love to see all families no matter what race together doing their thing to make their relationships and families work.
I’ll have to add that your #2 item is almost comical and I’ll leave it at that.
The only problem I'm going to point out to you (and any other Black Man who thinks this way) for that last comment is stereotyping and shooting threats. Believe me, those things have never solved anything. Any man who would threaten with the idea of leaving me for a Kim K or a Heidi Klum can GET TA STEPPIN!!! If that was in the back of your mind, I never had you in the first place. I was just a stop along your way.
Why is the threat to go to another race? Because Black Men know how much that hurts us. Why try to hurt us so bad?? You tell me. What could we have done (certainly not the superficial reasons listed), that would make you completely turn your back on an entire race of women?... Not even look toward them when they're in your face?!?! And you mean to tell me that's not a little bit of an internal Black Man issue? Hmmmmmmm...
And again, every action causes a reaction. Be careful what you ask for, because as I said in my previous comment, "IF Black Women ever decided to leave Black Men alone as a whole, believe it to not... WE ARE DOOMED".
MAN OH MAN! See, that's what I'm talking about! Lets TALK ABOUT THIS STUFF!
OK, Mrs. Renae, I'm going to hit on this comment right here "Why can’t black men just say I choose to date outside of my race because that’s whom I’m attracted to or I just happen to fall in love with someone and she so happens to be outside of my race." THIS NEVER HAPPENS WITH BLACK MEN! We WANT to be with Black Women, but we have issues like these 10 above that keep us away from wanting to start a real relationship with a Black Woman. You stated that you do not know many women like this, I know TONS that fit into each and everyone of these 10 categories!
I want to see Good Marriages, no matter the color, creed, background of either person. I just have to put out there WHAT REASONS are keeping Black Man from being with Black Women! It's not to upset or put down any women, like I said before, if the shoe fits! If you are doing your job as a Woman, much Kudos to you, but A LOT OF WOMEN ARE NOT! They are walking around SINGLE, MAD, & UPSET because Black Men do not want to be with them & wonder WHY, they are the REASONS! It is Black Woman vs Black Men because I love to see Black Woman married, but I'm not going to sit here and LIE, it does bother me seeing a Beautiful Black Woman with another Race of Man!
I sit and wonder "Did they get HURT by a Black Man that they just do not want one?" If that is the case, then that's not EVERY BLACK MAN that acts as such. I'm not saying that THESE are the Reasons every Black Man goes to another Race of Woman, but if a Black Man knows he can be loved BETTER from another Race of Woman, HE IS GONE!
Ticka, I do not think we are DOOMED if we do not have Black on Black relationships. I think we actually start to make the world more diverse and come together with interracial dating. We are not trying to go somewhere else, but if we are not feeling the Love from Black Women like we give them or that someone else who could be from another race give us, WHY WOULD WE STAY? To get beat down verbally, have the cops called on us, get hit all upside the head, and called A BAD N****! NO!! We aren't putting up with that stuff from Black Women or no Women. Its just sad that the Majority of this happens with Black Couples! Black Men and Black Women deserve to treat each other with respect, dignity, & honor, but the majority of us JUST DO NOT! We treat each other like we are a JOKE & we need to get down to the reasons why we think this and continue to address them! - PROFESSOR JT
And this is why sometimes you have to agree to disagree.
We are not connecting.
If you want to stay with a Black Woman, it's as easy as this... be with one. Not necessarily the one who wronged you, but one in general. So because a Black Woman hit you upside the head, or called the cops because you hit her upside hers, that means you write off ALL Black Women?!?!?! JT, that's off the chain. You have to admit that.
And who told you that the majority of this stuff happens with Black Couples. Somebody done told you WRONG!! **in my Martin voice**
I live in Minnesota, and you would not believe the problems that couples of the Caucasian persuasion face. Just as bad, and even worse than us, so... that excuse is not flying with me. It's just kept a little more quiet.
We treat each other like a joke because we believe the lies that we are told about us. Statistics tell us that jails are mostly populated with our men, they tell us that we aren't married. They tell us that Black women have issues and need to fix them. Our boys & girls are being pumped with this information every day. They are told that women of other races are more docile and marriage worthy. All of these mis-conceptions show their ugly faces in our communities and drive us apart.
We are more alike than we've come to believe.
And I will leave with this because I know in my heart it's true, "We are WAITING for you, and will be there for you again will no one else will."
You will never get to the bottom of the issue with that list you gave. If that's what's in the black man's mind.
This bothers me when you say "if a Black Man knows he can be loved BETTER from another Race of Woman, HE IS GONE!
Why is it that you lump all black women in the same boat? We don't all love the same. So why would you assume that because you were loved "wrong" in the past by one black woman, that now you are assuming that all black women aren't going to love you "right". Why do you think that you can only be loved by another race better?
Also just to clarify, I was saying that I don't know not one woman who has ever said they are not going to date Black men anymore. I don't know not one woman who has ever said that.
JT, this topic could go on and on. And, your list is very sterotypcial-these excuses you gave are just that excuses.
Black men need to be honest with their black women and be able to communicate with them, and express their wants, desires, and needs. She should be willing to listen and so should he when she expresses her wants and needs. It's always a two way street I don't care what race you are.
If you want a black women then be with one, communicate and work it out, express your thoughts and be willing to teach as well as learn.
Ladies, I appreciate these comments so very much! They are exactly what I wanted to hear! Let me CLARIFY! This goes towards SOME Black Women! It's something that I bring up between Black Men and Black Women because that is the only perspective that I can come from. I'm not sure how Whites or other races do their thing. What they do, is what they do, I'm talking about what WE as Blacks Do!
I'm providing REAL TALK FACTS from Black Men & how they feel they are getting treated from Black Women. How can they be BS facts, when they are FACTS! Ladies want to know why Black Men go to other Races of Women, THESE ARE REASONS WHY! Black Men WANT to be with Beautiful Black Women, but if they get treated bad by them, and it can be more than one over time, then that thought that they all are like this gets ingrained into their head. Women do this too after bad relationships with Black Men.
I know it may seem like we're going in circles, that these problems may not get solved, but if we're not Adult enough to talk about them, then they will not get solved at all. I'm just providing information and really A CRY FOR HELP! BLACK MEN LOVE BLACK WOMEN, but you all are making it VERY DIFFICULT to be with you all at TIMES! Yes, it's a two way street, but we are continuing to go opposite ways, when are we going to start going the same way on SOME of these things. No excuses, FACTS! - Professor JT
You keep saying that these are FACTS, but they're not. They're opinions. There are so many men and women who DON'T go down the road that you are talking about. They just move on to the next Black Woman because that's who he wants to be with. They're not adamant about the woman being a different race, they just move on.
My perception?? The moral of your story is, Black Women need to fix themselves in order for Black Men to be with them. Sad Fact (in my eyes). The men who feel this way can't be pleased by any Black Woman. They simply can't be. There's nothing she can do for them. He will always find something wrong. It's an internal issue that he must get to the bottom of on his own... That is, IF he wants to. If he doesn't, that's cool too.
Black Women need to just accept that some guys feel this way, and find her King in someone else. They're out there.
And forreal... that is all I have to say =D *whew*
Thank you so much Mrs. Ticka! I have enjoyed every single comment, every one! I did not want this to be stressful, just bringing up "OPINIONS" so you say. Whatever they may be, if they are stated, they are an issue and it was just time that issues got addressed.
I do not feel your moral is accurate. Black Women do not need to fix themselves if they do not feel anything is wrong with what they do. Black Women just can not be upset if Black Men address what they do & Black Men say that they do not want to deal with the things that they do. Black Men are always PLEASED with a Black Woman, but what they are NOT pleased with when it comes to Black Women is when they want to downplay Black Men like they are their own PROBLEM to why they do not want to be with a Black Woman. Who wants to be with a Black Woman (and NOT ALL ARE LIKE THIS) who treats a Man like DIRT & doesn't have her stuff together but wants a Black Man to take care of her. What sense does THAT MAKE? I'm not saying just Black Women do this at all, but it hurts so much more when the put downs come from a Black Woman. It's not an internal issues to not want to put up with the cursing, yelling, fighting, back biting, non-trusting attitudes of a Black Woman. No man will ever put up with that!
The Moral of the Story is...WE as Black Men and Black Women, LOVE EACH OTHER! We want to be happy together, but we both have problems that are not being solved, talked about, or addressed. These Reasons why US Black Men have a Problem with being with Black Women is not a SLAP in Black Women's Faces, its statements saying "WE LOVE YOU BLACK WOMEN, but we are having these problems in being with you?" Are you looking, Black Women, to help us not only with the situations that we see in ourselves, but that we see in our Queens to solve them or are we just going to continue to "Agree to Disagree" and nothing gets solved at all. Problems under the rug ARE STILL PROBLEMS! It's time we take the bandage off the wounds and get to the bottom of them so people can get healed and relationships can last forever like they are suppose too between Black Men and Black Women! - PROFESSOR JT
Man please... Maybe black men need to stand up and raise this generation so the next generation of women won't have this same set of issues.
Ms. Tessie, If Black Women are having issues from Black Men, then why do they continue to date Black Men with a lot of issues? Just a thought? If Black Women keep laying down with Black Men who aren't going anywhere and doing anything with their lives, then they can not really get upset if they have a child they have to raise by themselves. It was their choice to lay down with that Man & they more than likely knew from the beginning he wasn't a Good Black Man anyway.
Black Women now have to raise this generation of Black Children to know, Momma did lay with your Daddy, but you don't have too. Wait until you get into a good relationship with someone who wants to be with you, and you won't have to go through the same mess you see Mommy going through. Black Men with kids today, have to learn how to not be like Dad was and raise their kids to be better adults when they get older. It's a two street that we both have to agree to make a one way and go down together. - Professor JT
So a certain combination of race and gender yields to specific behaviors? Higher concentrations of melanin have an effect on the brain on top of biology? Well if that's the truth then I could see why a Black man would have this perspective.
The average IQ of Black women is 3 to 5 points higher than the average IQ of Black men.
On a biological level Black men don't have a positive impact the genetic potential of their offspring, especially for male children. The constant rejection of "Good" black men in social settings is grounded in the biology of Black women because they need to mate with males of greater genetic potential. We can definitely see the difference in social conduct among Black women who mate with males of superior genetic quality.
This leads to the ideal of life-long term pair bonding vs the primitive mating practices of Black males. This also explains why Black men themselves consider monogamy to be a foreign concept and prefer dynamic/short term pair bonding. This behavior is also seen among most animal species despite the evolution of the human species.
Divorce rates among Black women and their nonBlack/less Black husbands compared to Black men and their nonBlack/less Black wives further illustrates this point.
Then again this is based on your premise of race and gender in a certain combination.
Something that doesn't seem to have been addressed is what kinds of women have you dated in order to make these assessments. I am a 35 year old single Black woman with no kids, never been married, but not because of any of your reasons. I can't even relate to your "facts", neither can the type of virtuous, successful, single women I'm surrounded with on a regular basis. Unfortunately, when meeting men these days, many of them have these preconceived notions and approach me with the "so what's wrong with you that you're still single" attitude before they even bother to get to know me (though ironically point #9 is about Black women's baggage). It seems that the only Black women you've dated have been crude, demasculating, hypocritical and perhaps loose. May I suggest before writing off a whole race a women to first look elsewhere within our race and be more (for lack of a better word) discriminative in your selection, i.e. where you meet them, what their initial and subsequent convo is like, getting to know more about them before trying to sleep with them, not basing selection off how big their butt is, how well they're wearing those jeans or how long you think their hair is and if they'll give you pretty babies, how was their family life growing up and if they have them, what are they teaching their kids, etc. Just like Black men can give reasons for wanting to leave us alone, we could come up with an equally harsh and superficial list, and perhaps add some not so superficial reasons as well. However, agreeing with other sisters who have previously commented, we're not ready to give up on Black men like you have on us. Ironic since one of your reasons is lack of support, go figure.
Ms. Gameless - I usually don't get into my personal live with people that I do not know, but since you did bless my Blog, I could at least take on your comment. I've dated all kinds of women, good & bad, all kinds of races, tall & short, light skinned / dark skinned, thick & thin. This is information that I've gathered from my dating experiences and from Black Men that I know that really do not deal with Black Women anymore because of these 10 issues. I was not writing this just on who I have been with, because that would be very bias and opinionated. Have you asked Men how do they feel about these 10 things, because I got the information from them. Some agree on all, some agree on maybe a couple, but this is how a lot of men feel when it comes to dating Black Women.
You sound like a Great Woman, but there is always a reason why a person is single. The question I will have to ask is if you are all these things, why hasn't a Man wanted to be with you yet? The two Women who I had great comments from above are married to great Black Men and have great families and I respect them for that very much. Not saying that I do not respect you for being single, unmarried, with no kids, but what are the reasons for you being single? Maybe Black Men do look at you in these ways & you do not even realize it. So sorry if my list seems superficial, but I actually think it may be more realistic that you think. God Bless & thanks for the comment. - Professor JT
Thank you for your response. In regards to your question, it is a common misconception - being single means someone doesn't want you. If I wanted to be married and divorced right now like many my age - of all races - than I could've been three times over. My singleness is my decision, not from a lack of interested mates. My problem in past relationships has been sticking it out for far too long with "potential" guys, 3-4 year relationships since college with males who realistically should have gotten a year or less of my time. And for different reasons - either we just made better friends, or he cheated, or he just shouldn't have even gotten the opportunity in the first place (long story, but basically I have been the kind that'll work with a brotha, didn't have to be a baller in my young & dumb 20's, lol).
All of these have been Black men and I'm open to dating other races, but not cutting out my own in the pickings, because I know good Black men still exist. My parents were married 41 years until my daddy passed 3 years ago, and he was a shining example. The last guy showed the most promise, I could tell my dad approved of him more than the others, and when he passed, he had peace in thinking his little girl was going to be treated right. Unfortunately, it didn't work out that way, but he instilled in me values that shouldn't be compromised. And I no longer do, experiments are over!
My mother showed how a wife, a woman and a Christian help meet are supposed to function in a healthy, happy loving household. I would do some things a little differently, as it is 2013 not 1968, but the foundation is apparent.
So whenever the right one comes along that doesn't come in the door with preconceived notions about me due to my age, race, absence of children or astrology sign, he's in for a treat. But until then, no worries and I'm in no rush.
I appreciate your response so much and let me first say I am sorry for the lost of your father and the marriage between him and your mother sounds like it was truly amazing! That is what I pray we see more of in the day and age that we live in.
OK, so you said that you are single by choice, but being single means that someone doesn't want you. So which one is it? Majority of the time it's a combination of both I know. Like you stated, we have suitors and even people we may like. But for some reason we don't want them or they don't want us. It's a constant battle we go back and forth with. All of us would like to be with someone, I truly believe that. People can pull the "The Deliver Us From Eva" card, but we all want to be loved by someone special if it comes along in our lives. I respect the fact that you said that you work with Men, but make sure that they are working with you and coming to the table with all the great qualities that you have brought to the table. Men usually know what they want after a few months, while Women may wait and work with someone for a while, thinking he'll get things or themselves together. A Man will always put efforts into the Woman that he wants. Continue not to be in any rush and keep on becoming an even better Woman. Someone is going to appreciate the great woman that you are and definitely love everything about you, with no preconceived notions;-) God Bless! - Professor JT
Oh, to answer your other questions, I've heard this argument and these reasons before, but they've usually been from shallow guys who are giving excuses for why they're almost or over 40 and still single. Not saying that you fit into that category, just telling of what I've heard and seen.
As for what exes thought of me? One of them is still a good friend, happily married and just had a baby. He still wanted the relationship back then, but obviously moved on after a while. One chased me for years, despite knowing of my new relationship, until I had to act like the mean girl for him to stop calling. He just married someone he could live off of (which he tried unsuccessfully to do with me). The last one (the cheater)? Hmm, well, I ignored him after the break up too, and eventually he started seeing someone he disrespected me with. He admitted never lacking anything, just decided to capitalize on opportunity, smh.
I thank you for your response again. The majority of these comments come from 25-35 year old, single, educated, Good Black Brothers like myself who always seem to come to the same conclusion to why we can not seem to be with a Black Woman. So no excuses, just trying to give real reasons why some black men are just not dating black woman. Your Ex's just didn't choose you or treat you right, but a Good Man will one day if it's the Will of God. - Professor JT
Oh no, I was saying that being single because you're unwanted is a common misconception, and that I don't agree with this nor does it apply to me because I am single by choice. My apologies if that wasn't clear.
Deliver Us From Eva - hilarious movie! I definitely want to love and be loved, just by the right one. And women know in the first few months as well, we just tend to be a little too hopeful for more than what's in front of us. My experience is that you see the true individual within 3-6 months. Please notice the 'working with less than worthy' experiments are past tense, lol. Not at all saying I'll only except prefection coming to the table, just saying situations are approached much differently and smarter in the 30's than the 20's. Live and learn.
Ok, back on the original topic. It's just really sad to me to see this growing discontentment with one's own race, and it's a sign of many deep set, long term issues within the Black community. What other race of men so harshly put down their own women for the world to join in their hate?
Some say Black women are not open to date outside like our men will, but going along with that argument: 1)if our own men are disgusted with us, why would anyone else want to take the chance? 2)ironically if we do date other races, many Black men absolutely hate it, even if they are dating other races too! It kind of feels like 'if I can't have you, no one will' but worse. Bottom line-Self sabotage of one's own race.
Interesting Comments and thank you for clearing up that last comment for me. I appreciate the fact that you have standards, which everyone should. You are right, in 3-6 months, you should see if this person is someone for you or not. If they are not and you go past that, a person just avoided the signs and has no one to blame by themselves if they get hurt. The reason person will always show up after a while.
I do feel like you Black Men put Black Women down too much. But what other race of Women put themselves down as much as Black Women? Who are Black Women's role models today. Chicks claiming to be "Rachet" "A Bad B*****" "Boss Ladies"? What about trying to be like Michelle Obama? OH RIGHT, it's not cool for Black Women to act like a BLACK WOMAN in a lot of our Young Women's Eyes. I don't feel Black Men need to talk about Black Women, we don't have too. A lot of Black Women are talking about each other even more! I commend any Black Woman trying their best to be their best w/ or w/out a man, but both young black men and women need a lot of help & prayer.
I honestly do not care who a Black Woman dates, as long as He treats her right. If he is someone from a different race, congrats to him. As long as they love each other, there is no reason to entertain thoughts of Black Men's hating. We are the ones that just lost out on another Good Black Woman. More power to them I say. Most, and I'll be honest, Most Black Men will never be ready for a REAL BLACK WOMAN! They just won't! Educated, Ready Financially, Mentally, & Maturity Wise, most Black Men are not up to par to most Black Woman. BUT, the ones that are know that they have options and are not settling for any of these reasons in this list when we don't have to and another woman of any race will not come with these drama issues. It's discussion that just has to continue and one day maybe we'll all come to some answers. - Professor JT
I definitely agree, MUCH prayer is needed - for relationships, for the violence, for slowly rebounding economy, for lack of decent role models for youth and young adults - heck life in general.
It's a shame there is such a lack of self esteem and self respect that women put themselves down, even adopting negative labels as acceptable. To me, it's the same as young men deeming it okay to call each other N****s and Pimps, pointing back to those deep seeded issues I mentioned.
Everyone should be allowed to date whoever they want without judgement. The problem is when one feels the need to defend their choices by putting down someone else. I'm a little confused by your last statement - for those Black men that ARE up to par with a "Real Black Woman" and won't settle for the lesser individuals that exemplify the list, why then only date outside their race? Has he just given up and assumes the RBW doesn't exist? Why not be open to other races while still leaving the door open for Black women, like many of us do for our men?
You are right! Men and Women need to stop putting each other down. Some of the seeds aren't even from their past. Some are from the music and entertainers that they try to see and celebrate that are not helping them see the great people that they are & should become. We definitely have to do better as a people.
As far as much comment, people just choose to be with who they want to be with. Some up to par men sometimes don't want to deal with some of the Independent, ALL-WORLD, Superwomen Attitude that some Black Women come with when they are doing well. Humbleness is not a strong point for a lot of Black people who are Blessed with Money & Success. Sometimes Black People can scare away potential mates because they can make it successfully, but romantically, doing things in the same manors is not always correct. A Good Majority of Well Off Black Woman have problems letting a Man need or being submissive (not controlled) to a Black Man. It happens way too often. - Professor JT
Thank you for clarifying, #5 - the "Independent" woman, even though we're not all demasculating and irresponsible with money. That's another one of those preconceived notions I, and the successful single Black women in my circle, have to contend with.
In a sermon I recently listened to, the pastor mentioned that submissiveness is not in a woman's nature. I found that a little funny, because 1) I've heard men say "monogamy isn't in a man's nature" and I think that's crap too, and 2) submission is very possible for many independent women for the up-to-par man, but I'll agree it's hard for the majority, maybe 40/60.
I totally agree about lack of humbleness with money. I have more on my mind about that, but I digress, so as not to go off topic :-).
I've really enjoyed this exchange though. Usually when I've been in part of this type of discussion before, ignorant opinions are quickly introduced and take over.
I appreciate all of your thoughts & comments so very much! They were all just wonderful! I do agree with the Pastor, submissiveness is not in a Woman's Nature. But when a Woman really loves & wants a Man, whether good or bad, she's going to do it because she loves that Man so very much. Like I said before, I just want to see Black Men & Women happy together. Whatever these reasons sound like to people, they are real concerns on both sides of the table. Hopefully we can continue to have these conversations and see what can be done for the sake of all Black People! God Bless & Thanks again for all the wonderful comments. - PROFESSOR JT
interesting blog and very daring lol...I can agree with most if not all of the traits that SOME black women have but of coarse this is not every black woman, just like not every black man is a playa...has 7 baby momma...has no job etc...and just like we are forced to do, these black men may 1st wanna ask themselves y they're attracting these type women instead of narrowing it down to a color...black women and men could kill a lot of these differences if they'd just stop and listen to each other and take responsibility for their part....starts at home tho
I appreciate the comment Ma'am & love the Natural Hair by the way. This is a REAL TALK BLOG & I like to hit up the REAL ISSUES! You are right, it does start at home and naturally, we all attract ourselves. So, if we, as Black Men, attract Women with these qualities, we, as Black Men, may have some of them ourselves within ourselves. You are EXACTLY right as well...it will take Communication and honesty to say "This is how I am, take it or leave it!" Thanks again Lady! - PROFESSOR JT
Wooow...I love this subject. Among all the races, black women are in the bottom when it comes to marriage, but yet they still find excuses after excuses to justify they behaviors. Instead of saying...What can we do to change this? The first thing black women want to do is to run their mouth instead of listening and that's why so many brothers dating outside of their race...
Who wants to go through 100 black women just to fine a GOOD ONE good. Excuses after excuses...ALMOST all black women are not married....Usually where there is smoke, there is fire. In this case everybody can see the smoke except black women (of course). We all know the only way to become a better person or better mate is to learn from your mistakes....But nooooooo, not black women!
When a black man says 1 word they say 20 words. But yet, they claim they want a good man…interesting! What man you know would stay with a woman who is challenging his pride all the time. Eventually he is going to leave. I am a black and a good one too. My problem is I am attracted to black women and I HAVE to change that. So I decided when I am done with my current relationship, I am going to date other race only!!!...too much drama with black women!
“I am a strong black woman”…So they say…Well if you are that strong why so many are single? If you are so strong why do you have to announce it? Perhaps you are weak and you want to convince the world that you are because when someone is strong, other folks do the announcement for them.
“I want a good man”…okay! When that man comes, what do you have to offer? Nothing but being controlling, jealous and degrading. Black women worship sex, most of them can't cook, they worship they friends who know everything about the man they are dating, most of them are cheap, they have more respect for their friends than they do for their mate, they constantly on the phone talking about NOTHING PRODUCTIVE, they want to control every situation and going through the mate mates belongings like clothes, bags or cell phones. It seems as if most black women got trained by the same person. Ladies I know what I am talking about because I've been with almost all type of black women...from chineekua from the hood to natasha the lawyer.
Our race is notorious for making and creating excuses instead of fixing things...But at the end the day let’s look around…our kids adopt that silly mentality and it becomes another vicious circle like the baby mama with no dad around or the black on black crime and it goes on and on ...Very sad!!!
Who raise all these weak and ignorant men? YOU, black women because you are so stroooong. For every action there is a reaction everything is connected…A vicious circle…but who cares right? It’s all about you the strong independent black woman. In our society all odds are against a black men in our society, but black women will quickly to dial 911 knowing there is no come back after that….kids or no kids!!!
Based upon my observation with black women, they shrink or should say scare to discipline their kids, but yet they are quick to try to discipline their mates (a grown man) I find that fascinated.
Well, here come the STRONG INDEPENDENT BLACK WOMEN…If you are so strong why 90% of black women are single mothers…I bet black women have no blame in this (wink)…or if they do, it’s probably light. You say that you want a good man and when it comes, black women want to play the role of the black men while he is playing the role of a black women. I totally agree with the 10 reasons of this blog…Peace.
Brice, I appreciate the comment so much! You was talking GOOD SIR! I know it, I have seen it, got the t-shirt and everything! It's such an oxymoron with some Black Woman, I'll honestly say the MAJORITY! I'm an Independent Black Woman who doesn't need a Man, but I have 3 kids and living off of Federal Funds. OR, I'm Independent and don't need a Man, but I have been married 2-3 times, or the relationships I am in never worked because I couldn't stand being around myself so the man I was with couldn't stand being around me. I wrote these to let Black Women know THIS IS HOW THEY ACT! It's frustrating wanting to love a Black Woman but thinking from the being, which one of these 10 things is she going to be! I love Black Woman, to be honest, I don't see myself ever being with any other race. But it HARD BROTHER, I know it! Thanks for the amazing comment! God Bless! - Professor JT
As a black married woman I must say you have some valid points. So many women are superficial. When I met my husband I did not have on fancy clothes, my nails were not done and I did not have a weave. I was at work looking plain Jane. He was attracted to my morals my dreams and desires. He was intrigued by my real ness and not easiness. I had no children I lived in my own place I had a job. When we got together he complimented what I had as we became one. It was not always peaches and cream but over time it became more than I could imagine.
I thank you for your comment! I usually don't APPROVE Anonymous comments, but that one was REAL! It's great to know that your Husband learned to appreciate you, without all that glam and glitter other women feel that they need to get a Man. I call them Transformers & went through a lot of that in past relationships. They were GREAT WOMEN, but the taking hours to get ready, only to mask who they really were was never enjoyable. A man has the greatest moments I feel with a Woman when she is at her more CHILL! No make up, fancy clothes or shoes, just relaxed & being herself. Keep on being a great Woman & thanks for the wonderful comment! - Professor JT
First of all your generalization of black women is just wrong. They are women. You may meet some white women with these same exact traits. Women's personality may not have anything to do with them being black. Have you even dated an equal amount of black women and women of other races. I doubt it. No one is perfect but to say that they are a certain way because they are black is dead wrong. That's is the problem I have. Just say my ex girl friends. Have you dated other races and had a problem with them. What was it? Is it because they are white/asian/hispanic. Get your mind right and stop sterotyping. Maybe there is something wrong with you as to why these type of women are attracted to you in the first place. I don't hear any other race constantly complaining about thier race of women as much as I hear it from black men. If you have a problem with a woman just say you don't like a certain type of woman with a certain type of personality, attitude etc. Is there some self hate going on. Why does it always have to be this BLACK woman had problems with me because... How about this woman had a problem with me because... A personality issue or imperfection is not black or white. I see nothing wrong with dating other races but don't put your own race down and use that as an excuse. Date who you want who cares and maybe your personal reasons should be kept to yourself. You are only making yourself look stupid by putting down your own race and other races look at this and laugh and it more than likely makes them feel superior to us. US meaning Black men AND women. Please stop.
Ms. Lea...OK, let me say this...This is not a Bashing on ALL Black Woman. These are FACTS from Dating Black Women talking to Black Women, & talking to White Men & Black Men who have dated Black Women who know that these are issues they face with dating SOME black Women. If these things do not apply to you, more power to you and thank you! BUT, if you would read the comments above, some Women agree with these FACTS, some Women do not.
Second, please don't bash the Messenger personally. I wouldn't go to your Blog or Social Media Page & bash you. You do not know me personally and doing so puts you right on this list. Lets stick to the point...Black Men have a problem with dating some black women and these are the problems! Maybe if we can talk about these problems and men's problems too, we can have more successful Black Relationships. - Professor JT
I swear I hate when ppl attack black women. I would have believed your article and said SOME black women and let those who posted a comment have an opinion but you didnt you still fought fire with fire. I see what you see everyday and it pisses me off that SOME BLACK women are this way. Instead of judging them if you was any man at all and had God in your life..you would see what God see and not your flesh or your feelings. I'm compassionate towards women of any race than men especially black women because all we do is get dogged all day long media, black men, white men, satan you name it! Some women I try to look past their personality and smile but some women all you can is pray for them. Instead of writing an artical making your statement and claims why not gather a group of fellow brothers and sisters and pray for women and MEN of color.Maybe my husband should marry a white woman because he is making me pay for HIS MOTHERS MISTAKES.Friends first then marriage but he hid his issues so well. Or do you wonder what I did wrong instead? I can praise you black men all day what good is it going to do? At the end of the day women like me will always be labeled,mistreated,and hated and thank you for feeding the world just what they wanted to hear just thank you!
I usually do not publish anonymous comments, but all I have to say is Read Part Two... thank you. - PROFESSOR JT
Just because you have dated different types of women with different jobs doesn't mean they are different types of women. You could date other people from different races and still get the same type of woman. People need to look at why they are attracting a certain type of person in their life and stop blaming a whole race of people as to why their relationships didn't work out. If your relationships are all going the same way then you need to look at what you are doing.
As a black man I agree and disagree I believe that some women bring issues spawned outside of the relationship (friends situation) into the relationship.I am married and my wife continues to follow her sisters issues with a men that has been more unemployed then employed and we are have issues based on her running to other women for advice before talking with her husband. The behavior you spoke of in your list is from a lack of understanding what a real loving relationship is and having had relationships that the women has learned from. Just my opinion after 45 years on this earth and having relationship with all races of women.
It's why "some"men don't date "some"women. I smell a bigot. Once some men find out I'm not like other women they always change their tune or they are so embarrassed that they ignore me. Typical. I wouldn't want to go out with them anyway and I doubt this author is black. Sounds like psycholgical manipulation at work by a bigot.
One of the biggest problems with this type of solution is that the person that was looking out for you more than likely do not have the same likes and dislikes as you do.Thanks for sharing here.
Dating Advice for Women
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