Good Morning Everyone! Is anyone ELSE ready for the END OF THE WEEK ALREADY! MAN! This has been an AMAZING WEEK, but a VERY LONG WEEK! I'm thankful that I'm still here in Jesus Name! Money may be funny, change may be strange, family trippin, friends trippin, even people at WORK TRIPPIN! So much STUFF GOING ON, it's time to be thankful to God and keep on moving forward! All is well & all will work out in due time! I hope that everyone has a wonderful day and Great things are truly in store for those who are patient and wait!
I had the great opportunity to go another great Huff Post Live Segment on yesterday "Schooling Hip Hop"! You can check it out on the right panel of my Blog as we went into conversation on should Hip Hop be presented at schools as a MINOR. The University of Arizona & Howard University think so, but what do YOU THINK? Would love to hear your prospective on the matter and thanks for checking out the video!
FIRST OFF, I have to give a SHOUT OUT to everyone that put in some amazing input to my "10 Reasons Black Men ARE NOT Dating Black Women ANYMORE" Blog on yesterday! Click the Link Below to check it out yourself if you did not get a chance too and I would love to hear your input on the topic!
Here are some Amazing Bloggers who reached out! PLEASE, check out THEIR BLOGS, save them ON TWITTER, & Thank You all so very much for all your input on my Blog! All of your prospective & knowledge is so much appreciated! We are DEFINITELY GOING TO KEEP TALKING! BIG THINGS SOON TO COME!! STAY TUNED!
Mrs. Ticka - @TickaNascha
Ken Johnson - @iamkenjohnson http://thehandsomeproject.tumblr.com/
Dixon - @s3x360
Santina - @MzSweetp2u
Mrs. Renae
So I wanted to do a RECAP on all the thoughts, knowledge, & prospective that I received on yesterday. THIS BLOG WAS NOT A BASH ON BLACK WOMEN...PERIOD! We are getting to the point as a people that we have been sweeping this issue of Black Men and Black Women Dating under the rug for TOO LONG! I had to write this blog to start some conversation. WHY AREN'T WE TALKING ABOUT OUR PROBLEMS & ISSUES? WE AS BLACK PEOPLE LOVE EACH OTHER! We WANT to be with each other & be together. Black Men NATURALLY do not want to Date out of their Race! We want to be with Black Women but lets just put it out there & make it clear...WE ARE NOT PUTTING UP WITH BLACK WOMEN'S INSECURITIES, JEALOUSY, & MESS ANYMORE!
It's time to start talking about what is bothering us as Black Men when it comes to our Black Queens. I was told that my reasons we BS, Excuses, Opinions even! So what is it Black Women, when we are HONEST with you about how we feel about the ways that you treat us, talk to us, communicated us, all we hear is that they are just LIES! All we hear as Black Men is "You all need to stop acting like Black Women are the only ones that act like this!" OK, I know that other women MAY act like this, but I'm only concerned about BLACK WOMEN RIGHT NOW! Black Men have THESE REASONS for not wanting to really even be bothered by Black Women anymore. Are they going to be addressed, can we talk about them, or are they just going to be Black Men's excuses for dating someone else to Black Women?
I want people to get this from my Blog on yesterday: it's time to talk about what we are doing to each other as Black Men & Black Women. If you are building up who you are with, you two are making it work as a couple & family, and things are going great for you, TELL ME HOW TO DO THAT! Tell OTHERS how to do that. Those are the things we need to get out there to other Black Couples in the World. Because what I am seeing from my end, I'm seeing people too many Single Black Mothers raising kids by themselves & Black Men not trying to do anything with them! WHY IS THAT? I'm seeing Black Men and Women cheating on each other & they are with good people! No Excuse for that when you are getting treated RIGHT! We are trying REAL EXCUSES out there that are nothing but excuses! He is arrogant, she got bored, SILLY STUFF! Breaking up good relationships because you want 20% of what? Better Sex! But you don't want to work with in having better Sex with someone who loves you? You want the person with Muscles or a Fat Booty, but they don't give a care about you! JUST A SHAME ALL AROUND!
It's time to get it all out there and all off of our chest and WE WILL FIND SOME SOLUTIONS TO BLACK LOVE! Some stuff is just pure selfishness, arrogance, & ignorance! If you don't love yourself, stop trying to say that you love other people, because you are not doing anything but hurting people's lives & breaking people's hearts! We need to see more HAPPY Black Couples & people that want to make things work out for our kids & communities. Thank you for all the commentors & readers & hopefully this is the beginning of some great conversation that will allow us to come together better as Black People! READ...SHARE...LOVE! - PROFESSOR JT
14 comments:
Good morning!! Thanks for the shout out!! Much appreciated! =D
JT, it seems to me that the point that I was making yesterday was missed. I won't make this comment long in hopes that it won't get lost in translation.
Black Men who don't have internal issues, DON'T threaten Black Women with the possibility or action of dating a White Woman.
A normal functioning Black Man who wants to be with Black Women will just simply leave the woman who is causing him problems and move on to the next Black Woman. It's really just that simple.
Your reasons aren't what bothers Black Men about Black Women. They are reasons A BLACK MAN WAS BOTHERED BY THE BLACK WOMAN HE CHOSE TO DEAL WITH. Again, just that simple.
In closing, the Black Man who doesn't recognize that, is a Black Man who can never be pleased by any Black Woman because he will always find issue with her & be ready to go elsewhere.
This was well written and was glad that someone picked up on it. Great job.
Thank you for the Love Ms. Jaela! I give God all the Glory for the topic and I appreciate all the wonderful people who commented who helped make this conversation as great as it was.
Mrs. Ticka THANK YOU so much for the wonderful comments! I just still do not think its an internal issue think for a Black Man to not want to be with a Black Woman because of what he went through with just one Black Women. It could have turned into Internal Issues with what he has seen Black Men go through with Black Women.
These are not reasons from just one Black Man who chose to deal with a certain Black Women. These are SERIOUS REASONS that have been brought up from Black Men over time that are placed out there now for Black Women to respond too. The question is, are Black Women going to RESPOND or just continue to blow us Black Men off & say that we just have a problem and need to get our own selves together. Lets help one another everyone! - PROFESSOR JT
"It could have turned into Internal Issues with what he has seen Black Men go through with Black Women."
JT, I just can't. According to everything I have read, all roads lead back to Black Women needing to get it together or Black Men will go to another entire race of women. AND in your sentence (quoted above), you're also saying that a man doesn't even necessarily have to go through any issues himself, he can just SEE another person go through issues with Black Women and swear them off for himself?!?!? Right now, I'm confused and can't figure out why you don't see this.
Consider these reasons blown off by me personally. There is no reason for a person in their right mind to swear off an entire race of women (HIS race of women) because of what he went through with a woman, or two or three (no matter the number). Nor should he blame an entire race of women for him not being in his right mind.
Since this conversation I have spoken to numerous Black Men, my Father, my cousin, my brother, my husband & also an executive in my place of work (all who are Black, btw) who call BS. I've also spoken with a Hispanic guy, Hmong, and a White guy who feel the same. They've all had their fair share of dealing with relationship issues (some married, and some not), and don't fall in line with this rationale. The Hispanic & Hmong fellows vouched for all kinds of craziness in their relationships, but stated that they would NEVER turn their backs on their women due to it.
Black Men are the ONLY ones who give this energy. EVERY RACE of men go through relationship issues with their women that cause havoc in their lives. BLACK MEN are the only ones who threaten their women with the possibility of going to another race of women if they don't act "right".
Are there things that Black Women should/can work on to make their relationships better. YES!! Should she do them and walk on egg shells for fear of her man leaving her for a white woman?? NO!! My Husband is teaching my daughter the correct way to conduct herself (just as my father taught me), and she will use her own feelings and instincts as her guide in her relationships... without fear.
Agree to disagree, because doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is not condusive.
"Black Men are the ONLY ones who give this energy. EVERY RACE of men go through relationship issues with their women that cause havoc in their lives. BLACK MEN are the only ones who threaten their women with the possibility of going to another race of women if they don't act "right"."
You just summed everything up with this right here Mrs. Ticka! Black Men are the more sought after by other races than any other men. If a Black Man knows he can get love from any race, why would he put up with a Black Woman who does not want to "ACT RIGHT" at all? BS or not, it is what it is. If I personally myself and other Men that I have talked to completely feel me on these things.
These do not go for EVERY BLACK MAN! I think the problem is not the fact that there are Black Men and Black Women that disagree on these things, it's the fact that these things are out there, they are real, and they are being called BS! If I had a person in front of me with a problem, told me the reasons for the the problem, and someone told me that what I was saying was BS, I would be insulted and wouldn't want to share my feeling with anyone else. THESE ARE REAL REASONS & sorry if people look down on them, but we will continue to have Black Men and Black Women issues if reasons like these are not brought up for discussion. - Professor JT
Oooooohhhhhhh!! I see now. Finally, I get it!! Black Men are feeling themselves and need someone to stroke that ego. Now I see why you mentioned Kim K in a previous comment. It's cool. And I'm glad you said that, because it may not be as deep as I thought. As I said before, and will say again. We'll be here waiting for you when the smoke clears.
Feeling themselves & stroking their ego huh? Not hardly. Black Men just know we are not going to be called cheaters, liars, punks, losers, arrogant, and emotional by Black Women who may not be upset that they can not control a Black Man or even control their own emotions. It's not that deep, it's just facts. They are there if Black Women want to know how we Black Men feel or not. And I would advised Black Women to not wait on us Black Men if we have moved on. You have every right to move on too! Channing Tatum & Bradley Cooper are waiting on Black Women too! If Black Women want a Man, there are PLENTY to choose from. God doesn't see color, and I do not think Black Women should see it either, obviously Black Men are not. Glad we can get on the same page! - Professor JT
Thanks JT for the recongnition! I’m going to have to agree with Mrs. Ticka again on this one. I will add that black women are not blowing off your reasons like the ones you listed, they just aren’t valid reasons. Especially, your numbers 1,2,9 and 10.
I have to say that I know some pretty “risque” black women, so your # 2 item, was very “interesting to me”. I know plenty of black women who are willing to try A LOT of different things in the bedroom. But, if some black males come across a black women who doesn’t want to try new things, maybe her reason is valid maybe she doesn’t want to end up as your next baby mama, single and rasing her kids.
You mentioned seeing to many single black women raising kids, as well as in your #4 item on your list, well I have to ask where are the fathers to the kids it takes two-where is the black man who fathered these kids, why isn’t he trying to do better and trying to make it work so that he can teach his son and daughter? But, yet again it all falls on the black women.
Why is it that black men don’t want to deal with a black womens issues but yet you are willing to deal with another race of womens issue, what the difference? If you don’t want to deal with the black womens so called attitude, are you telling me that no other race has attitudes? Are you saying that no other race of women get jeolous and think that their man is cheating for no reason as you mentioned in your # 6 item on your list.? Answer, why is it that these things are only being pinned on black women and answer why are you willing to deal with it with another race but not your own? It’s a valid question because this is one of the reasons that you listed why BM are dating outside their race, because they don’t want to deal with a BLACK womens issue.
Lets talk about black mens commitment issues, why can’t he put a ring on it? But, he will up can marry another race fast quick and in a hurry, yet he will lay down with a black women and have multiply kids with her, then leave her. Why aren’t black men trying to do better in that area? It’s a circle, that’s why its important for black males to communicate their wants and needs to their black woment & vis-versa.
Lastly, let me add for my marriage we choose to work it out, by any means necessary, sometime you do have to agree to disagree on things in a relationship. If he doesn’t like something I did or said then he will talk to me about it, and if I do it again we talk about it again-you have to be willing to put in the work Period. Communication is so very important you have to be able to express what you want with the person you are with, maybe if black men & black women tried a little harder in their dealings with each other and stop playing all the games then maybe they could effectively talk and work out the issues they are having.
But, I know a lot of black women are tired of always being used as the excuse as to why a black man did this or that to them.
Also, good job on the HUFF POST!
Mrs. Renae, I truly appreciate all your comments, especially you sharing how you and your husband are making a serious effort to talk through problems, even if they present themselves again. Definitely BRAVO to you both!
OK, here we go! To say these aren't VALID reasons, once again like I addressed to Mrs. Ticka, is to say that a Black Man's reasons are not important & really do not matter. I'm not saying that these Men are even going to date other races of Women! SHOOT, lets be honest, this is a REAL TALK BLOG! I don't agree with it to be honest, but darn it, Black Men are starting to DATE EACH OTHER! NOW, I'm not saying that these reasons are why they are doing it, BUT, it's just the truth & that should piss Black Women off more than them dating another Woman out of their own race!
Your questions ARE VALID! I'm not putting them down or pushing them to the side! I can answer all of them! Every Woman has different attitude, jealousy, and cheating issues. Who's are on display THE MOST! BASKETBALL WIVES, REAL HOUSE WIVES OF ATLANTA! BLACK WOMEN'S ATTITUDES! And we all FLOCK to look at them act up! Other races YES have attitudes, but Black Women are the only ones, with the exception of maybe Hispanic Women, that celebrate their attitudes. They Independent, I'm Bad All By Myself, I Don't Need No Man, but I Really Want A Man, I wish a Chick Would Attitude! What Man wants to deal with that, & these young girl's are growing up with same attitudes thinking that it is cute. The I'm a "Bad B****" attitude and wonder why Black Mother's tell them to stay away from these fast acting little girls who think they are the next Lil' Kim or Nikki Minaj.
These Black Men do not, once again, lay down by themselves. If a Black Woman KNOWS he is a Loser, why sleep with him in the first place? He doesn't take care of none of his other kids, what makes a Black Woman think he will take care of hers just because she gives him some? THESE ARE REAL ISSUES THAT WE NEED TO DISCUSS! We can't just keep blaming each other on these things, answers need to come about and we need to start to change our culture before we completely lose any real image of true Black Love & what it is suppose to be in the World today. - Professor JT
I ask back the question you asked to me and I'll even answer it. If a Black Man knows a black women is a loser aka those items listed on your list, why does he sleep with her anyway? The answer is netheir one of them give their relationship enough time to get to know each other before they sleep with each other. So after they sleep with each other and maybe get pregnant all of sudden you realize that she isn't what you want. So the solution is take the extra time to get to know one another before you sleep with them. Women don't magically change overnight, when you take the time to get to know somebody then you will see if this is the type of person you want to be with. You will decide if they are worth you trying to stay and work it out. Problem solved.
Let me address your comment here: What Man wants to deal with that, & these young girl's are growing up with same attitudes thinking that it is cute. The I'm a "Bad B****" attitude and wonder why Black Mother's tell them to stay away from these fast acting little girls who think they are the next Lil' Kim or Nikki Minaj.
-If this is how your kids are being raised then where is the father of these kids, maybe if he stood around long enough he could be there to help the mom raise the kids better. You change the culture by doing better, and teaching your children better. So it's not a blame game because we could back fourth all day. You as a black man have to be willing to deal with us, we are no different than any other race of women, its not our fault that the media shows BBWives and RHOA-I also watch Real Housewives of Orange County and they act just like "we" do. So again, I ask why is it that you can deal with it from "them" but not us? Thats why the reasons you listed are BS to me. Because you are willing to deal with it with another race but not your own. You see us as gold diggers and such, even though when a black man gets with a "other race" women she don't have to work, you marry her. Its not our fault that you see us as less than. That Mr. JT is an internal issue you have to deal with.
Words are nothing without action.
OK, I love this so much! These are the things we need to be addressing!
OK, I'm not saying that Black Woman is a Loser, I'm saying why does the Black Woman SLEEP with the Black Man that she knows is a Loser? I will definitely agree that WE ALL, Black, White, and everything in between hit the sheets way to soon. Then we when we get up & the Woman is pregnant & we get to know each other & realize this isn't the relationship that we really want, now there is a child keeping these two people together for a lifetime.
Whether the reasons are BS, Internal, only a few Black Men and Black Woman, they are real. I want to see US as Black People do better & try to even live myself as better. But the problem is, these Housewives shows start WITH US! We have to thank Shaunie O'Neal for wanting to air out all of YOUR Black Women's dirty laundry and all the other cultures said "LETS DO THIS TOO!" These are the things Black Women are putting out there ABOUT THEMSELVES! Evelyn, Ne-Ne! Are these Role Models for our Young Black Women to follow after? Black Women started the Housewives non-sense. I can't say anything about other races and how they do their thing, my people is my only concern.
Black Women are Queens, Beautiful, Intelligent, Sexy, Attractive, Appealing, Leaders of this World. I definitely do not see them as Gold Diggers in any kind of way. All I can go off of is what is in front of me and what I see every single day in media, in the schools in our communities, and in churches and clubs alike. There is a lot of Hatred, Bitterness, and Anger on the sides of Black Men and Black Women, and it's only going to get dealed with when we stop calling each others reasons for not wanting to be with each other BS . We have to realize if a Brother has a Problem with a Sister and he comes correct with what the problem is, he's being honest with her because he cares, not because he is trying to beat her down or all the Black Women that he loves. If BS is what these reasons seem to be, then I guess Black Women will just have to keep watching their Black Men that they say that they want & care for do what they do, with who they do it with. They are just simply reasons that have been addressed that maybe a Woman who says "I know I want a Black Man, but I get an attitude and I can be controlling & jealous sometimes" will be honest enough to say that to a Man. He will appreciate her honesty and say "If you can tell me your faults, I can share mine with you, and if we can work with each other, then I know we can make it through anything together!" - Professor JT
I hear you JT, we hear your reasons but to Black Men they may seem valid, but you can't say that you don't want to date a black women because she's got attitude and then go to a other race women and deal with her attitude. Thats not fair to us black women and so when you give me the reasons as you listed those are universal issues not just black women issues. You can't say you are not willing to deal with it with US but deal with it with the next race.
And, just so you know it was a white franchise (Real Housewives of Orange County) that started the BB Wives non-sense first not black women. And, yes they were fighting cursing, and throwing people in the pool etc. But, again it's not OUR fault that the media only selects to put the spotlight on Black Women-media has given the world this image that Black Women act a fool and are the things you listed on that list. We have all tried our hardest to overcome that battle, that we can never win. Especially, when we have our Black Men doing it to us as well.
I'm done JT- I'm feeling like President Obama now, no matter what the Black Women does in the eyes of the people it will never be good enough. This was a great topic.
I appreciate you so much Mrs. Renae and you too as well Mrs. Ticka! You two are amazing great examples of what Black Women should be, and I'm not afraid to say that publicly one bit! There was so much love and respect gained from this for myself from you two and I thank you two so very much for all your comments.
I think I may have heard of the RHOOC but all I know is with Black Women, it was Basketball Wives and that just to me sent the Housewives shows into a whole another element. I'll just end it with this...these are Black Men reasons, and if Black Women can not understand them, then maybe they are things we all need to deal with more. If there are issues to Black Men, they are Black Women's issues as well. Because as you stated in the past comments, there are issues Black Women have with Black Men as well. We have to keep addressing them. We can't just throw them off. I feel this problem can be solved, it just takes people who are fed up with seeing our Black Men and Women hurting each other not only living right themselves, but in not being afraid to say "These are my issues, these are my faults, these are my insecurities, these are my opinions, and these are my assumptions." CAN WE DO ANYTHING ABOUT THESE! Thanks for the Love Ladies! Wonderful Comments! - Professor JT
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